If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
