Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
