Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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