a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
