Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
