You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
