do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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