i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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