do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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