Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
