Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The best revenge is premature balding
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
