Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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