i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
we should paint friendship bongs
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