Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
