Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my being single is dangerous.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
