grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
