just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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