I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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