What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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