Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
