ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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