I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
