Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
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