I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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