someone threw a dead crab at me
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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