you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
