I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
this just has baby written all over it
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So here I am, sexting at work.
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