YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
