oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
