if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
