Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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