I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
