remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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