Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
