another moral hangover. fuck.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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