Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
