the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
