wrigley field is MILF paradise
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
And then he peed in my hair
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