i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
