The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
