shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
