ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Randomize
