I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
