Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
