I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
