If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
