everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
we should paint friendship bongs
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