I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
