btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
