How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Bring me that man meat
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
